Sam Squared

      Thanks for all the kind and fun comments on my getting ready to travel post. I'm sorry I didn't respond to individual ones, just hard getting caught up once home. I'm back after a pretty lazy and relaxing week of vacation. To be honest, nothing was exciting, but I wasn't going for that. My sisters and brother-in-laws were great travel companions, both helping me be active if I wanted, but giving space as needed. We all needed our own time too. I had melancholy moments; hard not to when you see both young and old couples, families and the "I wish's" come into my head. There was a late change with one couple, so we were a bit smaller. One port was cancelled due to weather, and they had a return the first night to port while we slept for a medical emergency.        My adult children benefited from the port dockage credit as I applied to a $50 bottle of Caribbean rum. I also bought a goofy hat, but one for sun protection that I'll use doing yard work...

           I'm doing it, leaving on a jet plane (to get me to a ship), but I do know when I'll be back again. I've mixed emotions. I work hard, I saved, and a week being catered too and indulged and pampered, can't be bad for anyone's spirits. I know I'll miss the kids and the pets, but they're all in good hands and paws with each other. I mostly miss that my husband won't be on this cruise with me. He loved cruise vacations. It's a plug and play, no thinking way to relax, but also see, albeit the tourist view, other places in the world. My first drink will be a Pina Colada, his favorite cruise drink, even though not my favorite. It feels right to have one.       Our retirement dream had been to pick a place to head, every January or February, and stay as long as our budget could sustain. We were going to live like locals, then come back in late spring, ready to enjoy Minnesota in it's finest months. He even looked a bit at the 30-90 day...

      It was just too pretty outside not to grab a few snapshots. Snow has been absent for most of this Minnesota winter. Events cancelled; snow dependant businesses struggling. I've been happy not to shovel: in fact, my daughter did for me today, but this lack of snow was concerning.       The dogs love it. I'll be looking forward to seeing the neighborhood kids playing after school, digging forts, making snowmen, and trouncing paths. They better hurry. It's predicted to be in the 50's again by Saturday. 

      I had a humdinger of a crabby post ready to go titled, On Not Suffering Fools . I decided it was enough to type out my frustrations on human stupidity, arrogance, selfishness, jealousy, and bigotry and then not hit publish. No one needs to read my spewing, but it sure helped me, to quote Taylor Swift, "shake it off." Well, I will say on that subject, the fools that hate on her, just because, probably cringed.             There's a reason journaling is used as part of therapy. Getting words down, coherently or incoherently, but without filters, can really free the head of noise to think more clearly later. Getting raw emotions out, then being able to forget the harsh, sad, or even mean words is a release. Do I always succeed? Nope. Sometimes I do type and publish in a post, a comment, an email, or a text or verbally say my thoughts without filter. I regret it sometimes, but not always. I really am at a point in life that I wil...

      I 'm going to aim for two posts a week. One, may be a mind dump like Wednesday was, and Saturdays perhaps something with a bit of practicality or something I'm learning about. I'm trying that today. My husband and I talked a lot about what we'd like to try in retirement and what we'd like to do more of, or do again. He thought perhaps he'd resume his old ski days, plus maybe have a very part time and seasonal job at one of the ski spots near us. I was never a skier, but I thought that was a great idea for him.      My daughter was thrifting last night with her roommate and called me to ask about a couple brands. She did some Googling and saw a similar jacket retailed for over $100 in the brand, and while steep at $20, seemed a good find.  Brand, American Top. Then she found this dress, similar style retailing for $60+, correction, $100+ and selling for $9. We talked a bit about if she decided not to keep, she'd probably get her money b...

      When the girls adopted their pets, we read about the 3 day, 3 week, and 3 month transition process. It takes 3 days for the pet to recognize you as a familiar person. They'll have their guard up, wondering who you might be and wondering where they are. The next three weeks, they're exploring their new space, figuring out the lay of the land, and wondering if you'll still be there. Article after article said by the three month mark, the pet, particularly a rescue, will have developed trust with you and your home is now their forever home too. Grand pup certainly fit that timeline, and just in time as we lost my husband just at the four month marker, and we needed him as much as he needed us.       The kitten just owned us all from almost day one! My daughter had a class this past Saturday and her roommate was gone for the weekend so they spent it with me. He's such a sassy little thing, but so darn sweet. He cuddled when he wasn't exploring. Pup j...

      I feel like I'm putting too much on my kids to fulfill the good things in my life. I don't have any expectations of them, that's not what I mean. It's just their lives, and them being happy in their careers, friendships, relationships, and hobbies is all that matters to me right now. I just continue to go through the motions in my own life.       I'm not looking for advise, just pouring my thoughts into the keyboard. I know so many of my readers are widows as well and I appreciate that they've shared their experiences. No doubt they all know some of what I'm feeling, and managed this stage of nothingness better or maybe just the same as me.       It hasn't helped having two doses of illness that left me housebound for at least a week each. The one year mark of widowhood hit hard. How I got through this year without completely falling apart is amazing in hindsight. I guess that was good...I kept plugging along. I've always just...