Sam Squared

      I received a Save the Date message for my highschool reunion. Forty years!!!! It's not until September, but the folks that plan are good and organized. It's local to where I live and more than likely I'll attend with my friends. I have no strong ties to or wishes to relive the past, but I also have good memories of people I'd likely only see at these type of gatherings. It'll again be more of a backyard barbecue and games event, not a fancy dress up occasion. The one and only reunion event attempting upscale at our 20 year reunion sort of fell like a lead balloon. The sporty people will hold a golf event the day before and someone will host a bon fire that evening.       I feel like I've lived multiple lifetimes since those seemingly now to me, care free days of being 18. I didn't go to highschool with my husband, though many know him, as we've/ he's lived in this community for a long time. No doubt there will be awkward moments where I'll

      Last week started out ok, though I was trying to build resiliency to face the anniversary of my husband's unexpected death last year. My sister had a spare Minnesota Wild Hockey ticket and I joined her on Monday. We saw a 5-0 shutout, breaking a four game losing streak, coupled with witnessing Marc Andre Fleury's 552 win, placing him #2 on the all time goalie list. Exciting.       My sister had a light cough, a little tickle in her throat, and had a headache earlier. She took a Covid test as precaution; it was negative, and she didn't feel sick otherwise. Until Wednesday when she didn't make it through her work day.       Two back to back webinars for the grant I am managing went well on Tuesday and Wednesday and I scheduled myself out for Thursday, the actual sad anniversary date. Thursday I took care of the old dog and brought the young one for an extra doggie daycare play date. I went to my daughter's in St Paul to spend time with her and kittie. My older d

      I have no idea how to cook a lot of my meals for just one. There's simple things like a grilled cheese or other type of sandwich, omelette, or snacky type meals( hummus or avocado on toast with fruit is a go to) that I resort to. But usually, I just either cook the meal, 1/2 recipe if possible, and store leftovers in individual servings like ready meals. If my girls are here, that's easy as I send leftovers home.       My younger daughter has a second part time job. I already worry about how she eats, but now with a curious kitten, the stove is a scary appliance as it stays hot so long. With her added time and kitten constraints, I've tried to be intentional about getting her a few easy meals. Her apartment is on route to work so last week I dropped her off two servings of red lentil dal with rice, stuffed green peppers, two sausage, egg, and cheese burritos, and three homemade pumpkin muffins. That with the inevitable Chipotle at least once, fruit, yogurt, cereal, an

     One of my guilty pleasures is watching vlogs on YouTube. I have a few favorites, many that draw me in as they are filmed in places I'd like to visit, or visit again, and gives me a taste of what living there might be like. I also like to watch cooking vlogs, people using everyday items in particular, meals on budgets, or special treats. When my son was visiting in December, my daughter and I had on one of our favorites, a perky young mom who focuses on budget meals, sometimes extreme budget meals. My son went on a pretty good rant about what a disservice the YouTuber was actually doing. He was adamant that her type of low budget cooking was just encouraging people to make low quality, high fat, fillers that lacked nutritional dimension. In hindsight, I get his point. Sure, you can feed a family of five for $7, but how much will it cost down the road?  An old Dollar Tree $10 haul.         Now, my son has never had to feed a family of five with literally dollars left in the chec

      I'm not a miserable person, just lonely often and sad as I still am in grief. I might always be in a state of grief. I'm trying to settle into a new way of being, with most nights alone. I'm trying to get things, big and little on my calendar, even if it's just noting a sporting even or movie premiere to watch on the television. I don't want to get back in the mindless habit of too much television watching though.       In addition to things like church and a new church group for over 50's, weekly trivia, and my monthly book club, I look forward to any get together with my kids, my family, and friends. Despite this, I feel gloomy too often. I feel like I need at least one major event or experience to look forward to each month. Then, in addition to the semi-regular interactions, I can push aside the sad with looking forward. Here's what I got so far. January-This is already going to be a hard and emotional month. I will need a lot of uplifting moments

     We are animal people. My 12-year-old Shih poo and my daughters mixed breed rescue got me through the long, lonely evenings in the early months of my first year of widowhood. They got me out of bed for walks, or snuggled up when they sensed I needed them. I do doggie daycare for my grand pup Monday through Thursday, though on Tuesday he goes to a real doggie day care for a day of play. I miss him when he goes home. Well, my younger daughter adopted a kitten before Thanksgiving. That was a wild ride of a weekend. The old dog pretty much was unphased (except when he was trying to discipline both young animals), but the younger one didn't know how he was supposed to stay calm. Christmas went better with a large, young dog, and a kitten that really likes to explore. I would not be described as a cat person, but this guy has stolen my heart as well.       Because my son could visit from California a bit longer, my youngest didn't want to miss time with him. She and kitty essenti

        I've missed blogging. I blogged for nearly nine years in a previous iteration. It was a daily ritual during the long hiatus from regular life that the Covid pandemic created. Even as the world, my world, opened up again, the clicking away on my phone or computer keyboard, reading comments if something I said had any resonance, and reading and commenting on other blogs in return became my morning norm. Life sure is unpredictable. A year ago, just after Christmas, I had read of the tragic loss of my blogger friend's husband who passed away on Christmas morning, then read one of her readers lost her husband the same week. Never would I imagine just a few weeks later would I be joining that unasked for club, faced with my own widow story. But there it is. I've had to try and figure out life in this unplanned and foreign place. I'm not a young widow, having raised and launched three children, but at now 58, feel too young to be thought of in the same space as my 83-y