Point of Blogging
I've lost track, but suppose could look, at how many posts I've written in the last year but never published. These were mind dumps, getting thoughts out that I didn't want to burden family or friends with, and certainly not readers. Those I've published have been a bit for accountability (Dreams or Just Plans) or to share glimpses of joy (Little Miss) so I feel connected beyond my own closed off circle. I started pondering in general, why am I still blogging, even if minimal. I guess the answer is I want to eventually get back to a place where I have a rhythm, a routine, and a regular way to share community space with others that might have an interest in the same things that interest me.
I don't want my existence to be seen as grieving helpless widow. I want to put on a bit of armor and get back into things I enjoyed in the past. I want to find my voice again, the one where I challenged myself then wrote about them- budget challenges, creative cooking (aka not wanting to leave the house to shop so making due), new activities that might lead to a new hobby, go to places I've never been before, or reflecting on current events. I want a little healthy debate or at least different perspectives in comments. I have appreciated the kind words of sympathy, don't get me wrong, but reading them reminds me my personality of old has been replaced by that of a grieving, helpless widow that I never imagined I'd be.
As the holiday season approaches, and I know I'll struggle, in this space I'm going to pretend a bit. I'm going to share what I've been cooking, where I've been going, what I've been reading, and who or what is either inciting my excitement or my ire. It's fall, so the saying turn a new leaf is appropriate. Keep in mind this is outward facing, while I continue in private to build my inner resiliency, and might be hanging in by a finger nail. Bits of vulnerability will leak out, no doubt, so please look past it to the person I'm trying to find.
Grieving-yes, helpless? No. Sometimes support, camaraderie are needed to know you are not alone.
ReplyDeleteTake good care and sending hugs to you ! We'll be here when you share.
"Bits of vulnerability will leak out, no doubt, so please look past it to the person I'm trying to find." Share with us whatever you wish. I encourage anything you want to write down, you will find the person you're trying to find.
ReplyDeleteI loved reading the types of post you describe, as well as reading any other musings. You are allowed to be you! In terms of activities once you are retired, check out Meetup. I always thought that it was only for younger people. However, I looked into it as a retiree and discovered a number of local groups. I’m in one that pairs a book club book with local/regional outings, which I love, as well as an empty nester group. I joined a local walking group recently, as well as an outdoors group which has longer walks, kayaking and other outdoor activities. I also do free group walks or nature focused activities sponsored by our county parks department and a local nature center. Most of the activities that I referenced are free or low cost. I never knew about any of these activities while I was working full time (other than the parks department stuff, which fulfilled a need during Covid and is now helping to insure that no additional flab piles onto my frame:). I’ve met some nice people this way, and it gets me ou
ReplyDeleteSorry- last sentence should read gets me out.
ReplyDeleteRebuilding yourself is not for the faint of heart - I'm finding it to be quite a confusing process as well as difficult. I love the idea of putting on a bit of armor. This is so incredibly encouraging and inspiring, thank you for this post.
ReplyDeleteI definitely don't see you as helpless, Sam. We're here when you want to share and I know I'm not alone in thinking of you often and wishing you well. xxx
ReplyDeleteI have no advice to give. I just want to say I think you cope remarkably well.
ReplyDeleteYou owe it to yourself to be who you are right now, but there is nothing wrong with choosing a different direction, even if it means you have to fudge a bit as you "embrace change". Also hanging on by a sliver is still hanging on.
ReplyDeleteOf course you are grieving - and YES you are allowed to! You are not helpless at all.
ReplyDeleteYour posts helps you to get feelings out, they help you got other viewpoints from people, and they surely help another person who is going through what you are. Never dismiss your posts - they are important in some way to someone.
You do you the way you seem fit to do.
Sending hugs.
I feel like you are on the road to figuring out who you are. Grieving widow? Sure but you are also grieving a life you had that is now gone. Maybe not all of it. I think we are here for you even when you write a post and don't hit the post button. You are getting there. I look forward to seeing more of you.
ReplyDeleteRhythm and routine: it will come. Please give yourself grace and space to move forward, and know that there are lots of us out here thinking of you.
ReplyDelete