So Very Tired
Apologies to Michb as I think I deleted her comment from my last post. I've never read anything but kindness from you, so please know the lost comment was not intended. I'm just really tired- who knows if others were deleted too. Any supportive comments are appreciated, though likely won't be discussing my in-laws in my blog much in the future. It's not fair for me to write about them or have any expectations.
We think the raccoon issue is resolved, but not before yet another call. It's not cheap to have critter incursions resolved. I was lamenting to my son that maybe I shouldn't try and keep the house. He's a help of course, but this isn't his long term plan, or quite frankly intermediary plan. His response was that yes, it is a lot of house and property to take care. He knows my husband handled the bulk of house maintenance and outside care. My son's been a city living apartment dweller since his junior year of college. He'll be a condo or townhouse guy when he buys.
I looked a bit and there's some beautiful places in my buying range in communities I'd be willing to live. Most do not have main floor living as an option (master, full bath, and laundry with kitchen and living on ground floor), so I'd likely need to move again at some point. I'm staying put for now.
I'm just stuck in a circle of house stress, work stress, family stress, and health stress. My brain never gets to shut off. I'm going to resume therapy; I think I need to get a top up of any coping skills I learned but must have forgotten. I can't imagine going ahead with surgery in this mind set. But that's not negotiable as the pain in my knee is starting to impact my whole body. More to come.
Hoping you get to a calmer place sooner rather than later. I know from past experiences when things start to unravel it seems like they are never going to stop, and it is hard to find peace.
ReplyDeleteI find this house too big for me too, but I love it here so I'm not moving either. It's just my feeling but I think moving would add untold stress at a time when you really don't need it. Good for you for going back to therapy. I'm sure things will ease up once you're retired - although I'm sure that seems like a million miles away right now!
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you have so many stresses in your life right now. Moving home is one of the most stressful things ever, I can appreciate that the current home and garden may be too big for you in the future, but moving now when you're already feeling stressed may be too much. I hope going back to therapy will help you.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry Sam. Coping is hard even though you put one foot in front of the other every day. If reading serves you, my sister said "Dance of Anger" was helpful to her to sort some of the feels and thoughts.
ReplyDeleteHugs to you.
Being tired makes it that much more difficult to deal with everything. I've thought about what I would want should my husband pass before me, and I definitely will want/need something low maintenance. Even if I had an endless handy person budget, it still seems like a lot of work to coordinate jobs, etc. My husband does all of the repairs & the like, and I can only imagine how hard it would be to pick all of that up, especially unexpectedly. I hope therapy is able to give you new skills to use to manage this season. (Hawaii Planner)
ReplyDeleteI know my 3000 plus sq ft home with 5 acres would be huge. Both of us handle maintenace and yard care because I was a widow at 31 and KNOW how bad that was (same size house).With Hubby having congitive disfunction (not quite dementia but some days could be), I am already stepping back in to the outside work. Look for a home that is handicap/ wheelchair so you don't have to move again.Might have a friend look at what you have to change it to less work ... that would be a big selling point which is what we did.
ReplyDeleteHey Sam
ReplyDeleteYou are busy , in pain with your knee , worried about your kids , grieving and trying to wrap up work , prepare for surgery and do the work of two around your home . Maybe now is not the time to be making big decisions- that’s how I feel and what I have decided to do ( but this might change ). I have great friends in nearby cottages and I know I can’t replicate the lovely street I live on . I have continued to employ a gardener , as when I do sell the garden will be a big selling point , and whilst expensive she has become a friend . Please be kind to yourself
Siobhan x
I am glad to hear you're returning to therapy. My friend did grief counseling for a few months after her dad died, and she found it super helpful - great to freshen up / sharpen those tools. As for moving, even if it does happen, I think you can wait until other things settle before you decide on all that. We are all sending you lots of strength and love.
ReplyDeleteI'd just take your time deciding what to do with your house. You will know what to do when the time is right. I already know there is NO way I could take care of this place, unless I hired out the yard work, regular maintenance and snow plowing and trying to find people to do that in this rural area would be very hard. If something happens to my dh I will be living in a townhome or condo for sure.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much ...your reply made me feel so good..I will comment again , i am tired too ...dementia and crippled life partner for 10 years ..had a wonderful husband for 44 years (my partner makes it possible to stay in my house) and have a wonderful german shepherd...thank you again .
ReplyDeleteI hope you can find some relief from the continuing stress you are under. Any suggestions I give are just thoughts. I've no experience with what you are going through. Take care of yourself, too.
ReplyDeleteSo sorry you're being so stressed. Please just take things slow. Do not make any big decisions while going through so many other things. Please take care. Hugs.
ReplyDeleteI am sorry you feel so tired. Getting help is wise.
ReplyDeleteI remember how my pre-op hip pain used to wear me down and you've got so much more to contend with. I hope you do decide to get help. xxx
ReplyDeleteGood luck in all your endeavors. Resist the urge to hurry and resist the urge to 'get it all done'
ReplyDelete(((((Sam))))) My heart goes out to you. I'll be praying for peace for you in all these decisions and stress you have going on right now. I too, realize that this house and land is way too much for me to take care of, so the time will come when I need to move on someday. I'm glad you have your son there to help you even if it's just for a season.
ReplyDeleteThinking of you and the kids today. Sending much love. JoAnn
ReplyDeleteOh goodness, sounds like the knee pain could be the root of the much more added stresses your encountering & the downward spirals. When I don't feel good, especially with physical pain, it affects my whole being & way of thinking. Perhaps think about moving the knee surgery to the top of the list being something you can control in the moments for the healing of the physical pain stressor.
ReplyDelete