July Therapy

   

     I'm getting these off my mind and onto the blog. July seems to be a cyclical downturn for my mental health. Maybe not bottling things up will help. Maybe it's because the last two July's have been challenging months. First, 2023 marked the 6 month of losing my husband. Literally everyone but me and my kids had moved on as if he was just a momentary blip in their lives. I was still in paperwork and other admin hell and so incredibly sad, lonely, and felt entirely overwhelmed. Dealing with getting the Equinox title transferred so I could buy the license tabs, which expired June 30, required escalation of having a letter sent from an attorneys office and wasn't resolved until September.

     Last July a drunken relative ruined July 4th by letting loose every thought and opinion he had about how me and my kids either stupidly had handled things or what, if we had any common sense and would just move on, we should be doing by now, and said very unkind things about my husband. He got a free pass by the rest of the family because he later apologized. (We weren't the only ones exposed to his vitriol words.) My kids were told that their grandma forgave him and that family is everything and should appreciate it more. I'll never be alone in a room with him again and we all avoid him in general. 

     I'm trying hard this year to not fall under the weight. I've got a list of things to tackle, but there's no sky is falling situations as there were the last two summers. No secondary plumbing issue (that I know of), no raccoon finding a way into my attic. The found damage in a closet was identified, but the fix last summer ( where the raccoon found its way in) prevented worse, and a bit of sheetrock removal and replacement and fingers crossed that's resolved. No, the biggest hurdle or obstacle is clutter and the mental mindset to just get rid of things I do not need. It's hard though to touch things, feel the memory, then put it in a box to donate. But I know it's for the best. 

     Last July I had way too much work stress in addition to being physically in pain before getting my knee replacement. I was working 60 hour weeks and was sleeping poorly. This year, I'm healthier physically than I've been in years and no work stress. Mentally, I'm far from healthy, but trying. I worry probably pointlessly about my kids. I have sadness still not just as a widow but having recently lost my brother. I have a dear cousin who has just started hospice care as Alzheimer's has claimed any last bit of who she was. I know these are part of life for everyone but that doesn't make it easy.

     This July I'm focusing on doing positive things. I'm going to keep eating healthy, seasonal vegetables and fruits. I'm not going to look for drama and if it finds me, do my best to ignore. It seems I bled money on the house for two years, but no regrets as the investments have made the house so much more appealing. My big expense in the house for a long while will be a new mattress, though I have lists of where I want/ need to invest next. I'm also looking at the best ways to maximize my financial resources so I can both spend where needed, but also for fun without guilt.