Fiscal Planning with Young Adults
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With the volatility of the markets, I have to remember retirement accounts are the long game. But, I'm watching what I'm spending. The older two get my angst, but the youngest just is glad I'm retiring. She hasn't really weathered, or wasn't old enough, to comprehend the truly lean times our family had a few spells. She was only 8 when my husband's job got eliminated instantly, right as we had a second kid entering college. She hasn't felt the fear of a gap in health insurance coverage or received an out of pocket cost for a $2,400 X-ray the same week sports fees and car insurance payments were due.
She was a "broke" college kid and now low income young adult as she figures out her path. But, behind the scene, knows she'll always have a home to fall back on. (It's sobering thought to know you're the safety net for others, and no one for your own.) As she gets older though, we're having more of the heart to heart money conversations. Some might say this is long overdue, and I suppose it is. She does pay all her own bills, has a tiny amount she puts in her own long term savings, and has a pretty good emergency fund. There's just not much left over at the end of the month. Her staying on my health insurance gives her career/ grad school flexibility, but the calendar marker hits in 22 months for that expiration.
My older two figured out life and living financially independent at about the same point in life. My older daughter has always been pragmatic, but with a bit of whimsy. She's travelled a lot for someone her age, but now seems to be quite grounded. My son thinks big and has accepted concessions to eventually get where he wants to be. His current career circumstances are cumulative of external factors and his response to them. I know he never thought a decade ago he'd be back in the Midwest, and definitely not living here. He'll get his autonomy back, even if it's taking longer than he'd want.
I suppose had either of them married young like we did, they might be in very different places financially, career wise, and living wise. Having both a partner to rely on, but also be responsible for, changed every decision we made. Throw kids in, and it's a whole new ball game. None of them have partners or kids. They're responsible for " me, myself, and I." It seems to be the path more young adults are on whether or not by choice.
While I'd love to be a grandparent, I'll never put that "should" on my kids. I might have a bit of grief there; I keep it to myself. Kids are expensive and the world right now, as much as a certain faction supposedly values life, doesn't give a toss once the child is born. My kids have a loving immediate and extended family, with means, a safety net, to help if things got rough. But they plan to not need it, be sufficiently able to provide before thinking of adding children.
For now, I guess we're individual families of one, extended family of four. Four budgets to manage now, four separate future's to plan. I'll share what I've learned, things I might have done differently, and be a sounding board if wanted, as they navigate their finances. Mostly, I don't want them to feel any sense of financial responsibility towards me and feel comfortable with their decisions.
I was a ground breaker in my youth never having any desire to marry or procreate. I remember being interviewed for a position and being asked asked, how come an attractive woman like you isn't married, are you a lesbian? x
ReplyDeleteNo one back then asked me invasive questions or made assumptions. My in laws, well SIL specifically, ask my daughter's regularly if they have boyfriends, like they can't have fulfilling lives without.
DeleteI feel your thoughts on being a grandparent. I would love to be one, but never put the "should" on my DD (she's 29 now), either. But I also understand their reluctance to have kids.
ReplyDeleteIt's not a supportive world outside our own families it seems.
DeleteI actually don’t care one at or the other if I have grandchildren. If my kids want children, then I wish them all the healthy, happy children they wish to have. If they don’t want kids, that’s great too and more power to them. In any case, it’s not my decision to make. My husband agreees. But, I can understand how some would feel grief over it. For me, I will be happy just to see my kids launched, and I can honestly say I envy you that! I don’t see having an empty nest any time soon, and I am not thrilled by that!
ReplyDelete-Meg B,
It's not so much an urge to be a grandparent as knowing how small my family will remain. Others add, mine decreased. Extended family is not the same. My sister with no children and is a widow has said this same thing.
DeleteMy grandkids and their parents are the only reason I will get on a plane these days and fly across the country. I absolutely loathe flying, especially now and especially Atlanta. The grandkids have brought me joy when I have been so distraught over my mentally ill middle son and his issues. Three of my kids are doing ok in the world and one is not. But nearly everyone has something big in their life that makes them sad or keeps them awake. The death of a spouse, or child or parent is probably the biggest stressor of all and something that usually takes years to adjust. Job loss or instability is also a gigantic stressor. I guess my point is that yes, having to be the strong one for grown kids is stressful especially when you had a partner and now you suddenly don’t have a partner and it is scary. I will also say I always enjoyed going through Nebraska, Iowa, the Midwest, because it seemed so chill and well, people were so nice. I think the crowded coasts are way overrated and overpriced. These are my random thoughts for the day and I am not going anywhere with them…..lol. Cindy in the South
ReplyDeletePurpose...that's what I hear. Your next generations motivate you out of your space alone. I can't imagine the stress with your son. All three of mine struggle with various degrees of depression and anxiety, but are able to manage their needs. We do have some good road tripping in the Midwest.
DeleteMy oldest was devastated by his divorce a few years ago and now says he will never get married again or have children because he's not handing over everything he's worked for all these years in the event of another divorce - or to only have 50% access to any children!! It makes me sad for him because he's a wonderful uncle but who knows, things may change. I admire young people who know they don't want to get married or have children! Go for it, live your lives how you see fit!
ReplyDeleteI think all three would like marriage, and oldest two for sure, children. It's just not panned out with agreeable relationships. None will settle for something that isn't better than single life.
DeleteMy mom has launched 5/6 kids -I am the lone failure to launch! She has grandkids and I think she is sad that I am single etc but tbh dating was no picnic for me. I think you're helping your kids and showing them how to make good choices for themselves at the end of the day. :)!
ReplyDeleteI think my daughters would concur with your dating assessment. But,not a launch failure, just different timing.
DeletePer my oldest son 20 years ago when he was at an expensive liberal arts college (on scholarship): "Other than kids from third-world countries, I am the poorest kid on campus." Yep, I get it.
ReplyDeleteMy daughter's college was part of a very college community with hers being supposedly the bougie private school. However, after her scholarships, it was on par with the D3 state college and less than the D1/2 University in the area. None of her friends had/ came from money either.
DeleteI wasn't bothered one way or the other about grandchildren, but my sister in law always asked if I thought the girls would have children. I just used to say what I've never had I'll never miss, as I knew ny elder daughterdidnt want any, and the younger wasn't definite. Now, as you know, I have a grandchild who I adore, but the situation means I don't get to do what most grandparents do, by spoiling them and handing them back, as they live here. It's exhausting at times, but the relationship I have with them is an absolute privilege. Honestly though, the world scares me, and I worry about what they'll face growing up, particularly as a mixed race child.
ReplyDeleteYou'd think in 2025 people can just be people, but discrimination, oppression, bigotry, and hate based on nothing is as prevalent as ever. I hear my great nieces describe their middle school experiences and it's awful how so many children learn to hate early. I really just want my children to hav fulfilling and satisfying lives, but know each have a loneliness about them, as do I even when we're we each other.
DeleteWhen my children would say, "When I have a baby...." I would stop them and say, "You have to go to college first, then do something fun or travel, then get married. Then, you can have a baby." I must have said this hundreds of times over the years. Well, they took me literally. Son was 38, well-launched, had a teaching job, owned a house. He married another teacher. Then, they had two children. Daughter dropped out of college, married earlier than I would have liked, had two children. Younger daughter is 50 and never married and never wanted children. I mourn that for her, but it is her choice. I asked if she were a lesbian, which would have been fine with me. Nope. Suggested she have baby without husband. She does not want that. So, it is settled and all fine with me. She commented that teaching and taking care of herself was enough.
ReplyDeleteI never asked when they were making me a grandmother. Having children was their choice. The strange thing is that my friends and acquaintances were concerned about my being a grandmother. They had children who married right out of hs and had three and four children apiece. I was content with my achievers.
Interesting take you had with your third child, as Vix experienced above. This post wasn't so much about me becoming a grandparent, but more fiscal issues and life planning. Funny, the grandchild bit seemed to have been the main take away.
DeleteSAM,
DeleteIt was a fiscal issue for me telling my children what I did. They needed a way to support themselves and children if a marriage did not work. Plus, you cannot always have fun adventures if you have children to care for. Love is grand but the lack of money can be a stressor in a marriage and even more so with children. I was never a 'make me a grandmother' person like my friends.
I meant asking about sexual orientation...yes, I understood your response being fiscally motivated.
DeleteNeither one of the boys ,got married or had kids. All 4 girls did and all say way to young.My brother didn't have a child until he was 50 ... his 3rd marriage.
ReplyDeleteMine are all on their own path, I guess as it should be.
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