Took a Break

    

Doesn't this look serene? I'm looking forward probably too much when I can flop in my bed, mornings with coffee and free evenings with a glass of wine, and just write and write.          Photo Pexel.com

     Other than my brief post yesterday about the shit show of the first weeks of the new executive branch, that became a shit show of it's own via the comments, I know I've been quiet the last few weeks. I've had a rough time of it the rest of January and the start of February, and was not fit company in person or on-line. With that political post, I was in a fighting mood, and crossed lines I don't normally cross in my comments, so unpublished the post. Then was told I must not stand by my words, so I hit the publish button again. Not my finest blogging day, taking the bait, but as I would say the same thing face to face as behind a keyboard, it seemed appropriate to keep it published. 

     I've always had bouts like this, but more so the last few years where I just need to shut off for a while. The latest national and world tragedies remind me I should be more grateful for who I have in my life. The political climate sucks and I worry about the ignorance or apathy that lets this power grab go unchecked and worry even more that there's people that, and I don't think I'm being dramatic, think he's the Messiah. Please don't start comments down this path again. 

     I appreciated the kind words from my post back on January 19, written to release some emotions. I can't say I felt any stronger and it depressed me reading it again. I didn't respond to comments, and put quite a few in the spam folder, even if not spam and even if well intentioned, several were tone deaf or quite frankly rude. I'm not getting into a conversation about grief via the comments with a few people that presume to know me better than I know myself. 

     The last few weeks were pretty stress filled, and there were grief elevated moments that I had to bear through like my BIL's retirement party- just another reminder of what my husband missed out on. I pet sat while my kids were on a family trip with their dad's family. Wrangling two cats that run amok all night, and two dogs, one who wants to chase cats and one who's old and cranky, was not relaxing. Fortunately we scheduled doggie daycare the two most brutally cold days so the big pup had lots of indoor running room and playing partners with the staff and I didn't have to be interrupted every 45 minutes for a quick  five minutes of play and then back in. The positives, I gave and received lots of love from them all. 

These two love to nap together. The kitten crawls over next to her big fur cousin. She looks bigger than she is proportional to him, but she has doubled in weight since she adopted us.

     The kids trip? Let's just say I don't think they'll be booking anything with the entire family again, but tried to make positive moments out of it. I took care of my sister's cats this past week, plus a 4:00 a.m. airport run last Saturday with her and her three travel friends. I'm happy for her that she has people to go with, and glad I didn't have to be the pick-up driver on their return. Drop off seems easy but pickups always a tad rough. 

     Mid January my brother got very unwell and the diagnosis is not promising. He's just finished treatment for another cancer and in general has just been moving slower at 77. My SIL was back and forth to St Paul daily, 20 days so far, and I worry about her too, though she's the healthiest 75 year old I've ever known. The stress though is a lot and she's just weary. He's had surgery, then a kidney issue with excruciating pain led to another procedure, and will need to start chemo again. I helped with driving some days and tried to get her some actual meals, as she was just bringing snacks to nibble on quick breaks from his room. She didn't want to miss a doctor or PA.

      I hope you've been well. I noticed a few blogs aren't in my feed so perhaps others needed a break too. I should be under four weeks to retirement, but now it's still nearly nine.This was a probably too long post and not joy and light and just pure " mopey" as a less than nice comment referred to me. I'll try getting into a better blogging mindset, but life's been a lot...and, I'll lay off politics in the blog.