Took a Break
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| Doesn't this look serene? I'm looking forward probably too much when I can flop in my bed, mornings with coffee and free evenings with a glass of wine, and just write and write. Photo Pexel.com |
Other than my brief post yesterday about the shit show of the first weeks of the new executive branch, that became a shit show of it's own via the comments, I know I've been quiet the last few weeks. I've had a rough time of it the rest of January and the start of February, and was not fit company in person or on-line. With that political post, I was in a fighting mood, and crossed lines I don't normally cross in my comments, so unpublished the post. Then was told I must not stand by my words, so I hit the publish button again. Not my finest blogging day, taking the bait, but as I would say the same thing face to face as behind a keyboard, it seemed appropriate to keep it published.
The last few weeks were pretty stress filled, and there were grief elevated moments that I had to bear through like my BIL's retirement party- just another reminder of what my husband missed out on. I pet sat while my kids were on a family trip with their dad's family. Wrangling two cats that run amok all night, and two dogs, one who wants to chase cats and one who's old and cranky, was not relaxing. Fortunately we scheduled doggie daycare the two most brutally cold days so the big pup had lots of indoor running room and playing partners with the staff and I didn't have to be interrupted every 45 minutes for a quick five minutes of play and then back in. The positives, I gave and received lots of love from them all.
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| These two love to nap together. The kitten crawls over next to her big fur cousin. She looks bigger than she is proportional to him, but she has doubled in weight since she adopted us. |
The kids trip? Let's just say I don't think they'll be booking anything with the entire family again, but tried to make positive moments out of it. I took care of my sister's cats this past week, plus a 4:00 a.m. airport run last Saturday with her and her three travel friends. I'm happy for her that she has people to go with, and glad I didn't have to be the pick-up driver on their return. Drop off seems easy but pickups always a tad rough.
Mid January my brother got very unwell and the diagnosis is not promising. He's just finished treatment for another cancer and in general has just been moving slower at 77. My SIL was back and forth to St Paul daily, 20 days so far, and I worry about her too, though she's the healthiest 75 year old I've ever known. The stress though is a lot and she's just weary. He's had surgery, then a kidney issue with excruciating pain led to another procedure, and will need to start chemo again. I helped with driving some days and tried to get her some actual meals, as she was just bringing snacks to nibble on quick breaks from his room. She didn't want to miss a doctor or PA.
I hope you've been well. I noticed a few blogs aren't in my feed so perhaps others needed a break too. I should be under four weeks to retirement, but now it's still nearly nine.This was a probably too long post and not joy and light and just pure " mopey" as a less than nice comment referred to me. I'll try getting into a better blogging mindset, but life's been a lot...and, I'll lay off politics in the blog.
Hugs. It's your Blog, your journal, your expression to ease your thoughts and very real feelings. You gotta be you, everyone else is taken.
ReplyDeleteThat's a great line, "everyone else is taken" and I must remember it.
DeleteI always enjoy reading your blog Sam
ReplyDeleteSiobhan x
♥️
DeleteTake breaks when you need it! So glad you are back.
ReplyDeleteThere'll be many I'm sure.
DeleteHugging you from my keyboard, dear Sam. You do what is right for you, period. ♥️♥️♥️
ReplyDelete♥️
DeleteTake the breaks! We love you, angry posts or not. We never know what anyone is struggling with, sending you and the family love.
ReplyDeleteSome days, I feel like I might be getting close to bed ng myself again, then something sidelib a me. We all have our own things.
DeleteSending you positive vibes this morning - Glad we are all here to support each other - keep it real, Sam. That's the best way to live life! (((HUGS)))
ReplyDeleteReal is all I got.
DeleteI love the more "real/ raw" life posts. It's far more authentic than posting everything is wonderful in my life all the time. We can all relate to you in our own way and I hope you keep posting your true life and what you are going through. Thank you for being honest about your feelings/thoughts and words. I enjoy reading all your posts!!! Hugs to you..Please keep being you for us!
ReplyDeleteReal and raw seems to bey mode. I try and be myself here.
DeleteI wish you love, peace, and happiness. I am so sorry for all your burdens right now,
ReplyDeleteand I am sure it is a slog to just get through the day. If I ever say anything that is not nice or triggering to you please let me know. I truly don’t want to be tone deaf but sometimes I am, well, according to some of my kids. My life is more of a train wreck than usual, so I have some understanding, but not full understanding bc I am not walking in your shoes. .
Virtual hugs. Cindy in the South
These are my brothers burden right now. I'm just trying to be supportive. I hope things improve for you. I've never had to do experience a fire. I can't imagine.
DeleteSometimes, it is hard not to take the bait! You have your own feelings and problems. No one can tell you how to feel day to day.
ReplyDeleteI got sucked in. Will do better next time.
DeleteEven if you are 'mopey' - you're allowed to be! We all are, with the best will in the world we can't all be always joyous and fizzing.....and even that would get very annoying. How many of us bloggers actually get to meet in real life? Not that many I'm sure, especially when we're in different countries. And I'm fairly sure none of us write every little thing down on our blog posts - so people who read but haven't actually met us don't know the bigger picture and shouldn't presume they can make judgements.
ReplyDeleteI've been able to meet a few bloggers. I feel bad things went so south with Sluggy. I own my part. I could have ignored her comments.
DeleteThe cat picture is adorable. They look like good friends.
ReplyDeleteSending good thoughts for your brother & SIL.
Thinking of you as you & your kids navigate these challenges & emotions. Hugs. (Hawaii Planner)
My brother needs the good thoughts. These cats are just precious. Two years ago, I was not a cat person. Who'd have thought.
DeleteYou should be able to write how you are feeling, good bad or otherwise, in your own blog, not to mention share your own opinions. When I first read yesterdays post (before you took it down) I thought to myself "good for SAM for standing up for herself and standing up to a bully!". I'm sure you know you and I don't share all of the same political views, but even I think this has been a shitshow so far. And we can certainly connect and respect each other's opinions and the life struggles we all go through, no matter our political beliefs.
ReplyDeleteNot SAM, but I certainly appreciate this & agree with you. We can connect & respect each other's opinions, even if we are differently politically. I'm sad that's largely been abandoned by society. (Hawaii Planner)
DeleteI wouldn't expect to everyone to share the same views as lives are different. This administration is beyond just different political views. He's trying to dismantle for power and greed. If we were seeing this in another country, all would be appalled.
DeleteStop..please.
DeleteYou've had a helluva lot on your plate, I'm not surprised you've been feeling down! I have taken a few days off, what with having the electrician here who just keeps finding more and more nightmares after the fire! Mind you, he has a lovely bum so I guess there are some positives but I think I'm going on 10 days so far and most likely all of next week too! I hate having the house all torn up but I very much realize how lucky I am too. Take all the time you need if you need a break!
ReplyDeleteI don't envy having to live through your project- dang though I laughed at the nice bum mention though! As my daughter would say, Pop Off, Anna.
DeleteI love your blog Sam. Please keep writing. sludgy is taking her blog private. Good riddance! Fay in DC
ReplyDeleteI hope she finds the people that want to just agree with her and learn about her savings. She can do her.
DeleteSending you lots of love and get well wishes to your brother and his wife.
ReplyDeleteThat photo of the cats is adorable, its wonderful how they've bonded.
I was so impressed with the gracious way you handled those Trump lovers, I think they must be a different species to us.
Keep on, keeping on dear Sam. xxx
I'm shocked daily that this is my country. I'm totally smitten with these young cats. Little Miss has me wrapped around her sharp little claws.
DeleteYou are NOT mopey! You’ve been through terrible grief for your husband and for your country. I always love your posts. Ignore the trolls. Lynn,, Pecos, NM
ReplyDeleteIt is sadness for the country. I use the word hate rarely, but I hate this administration and the orange thing with a passion I'll have to answer to God for, I'm sure.
DeleteHoping you can find your "light" soon. I can't even pretend to know what/how you are feeling but can sympathize. There is no right or wrong way to grieve.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Anne. Sorry if you had to read any of the mudd yesterday. Not a great moment of blogging for me.
DeleteThat bed!!! It sort of resembles mine..,all white bedding and our bedroom is pretty much a wall of windows! (It faces northeast, and the east side is wooded and the north side faces the nearest neighbor’s garage so heat from sunlight and privacy aren’t an issue.) I can’t say I have ever brought a bottle of wine to bed to bed, although I have had kids bring me Christmas morning mimosas in bed.
ReplyDeleteHahahaha on the family trip…my kids get along very well, but they know their strength lies in if not respecting, at least accepting each others’ quirks! Often that means giving one another loads of space. When my SIL commented recently on how well they got along they sort of tittered and the one who typically acts as the spokesperson said “we know our limits.” Maybe I will share more with you later about how the launch is (or is not) going. But I sense we are seeing similar, you and I. Take heart, SAM. If what the portrait you paint of your kids is an accurate portrait, you are aces, as they say!
Yay for your retirement coming. Having read you for years, I can say I honestly don’t know how you did it. I could never have managed half of your stamina. I always admires that in you.
-Meg B.
Stock photo - not mine, but lovely. My kids do get along fine, but know when to give each other space. This trip was 17 people - my husband's whole family! I was invited but declined. I've never quite known- how many children do you have and what's the age span?
Delete9. 3 his, 5 ours. We lost our eldest…tale for another time.
DeleteI can't imagine the pain, and will not pry. Growing up in a large family, I know a bit what your kids have expressed- important to know each other's limits and boundaries.
DeleteI will be honest I think I made it to the comment where someone said moron or idiot and I ducked out. The whole subject is clearly raw for everyone and this community isn't that large. Then there were people who were anon. and I don't mean Cindy from the South because she isn't really anom. But if you can't say it out "loud and proud" it probably needs to stay unsaid. I feel like we are all trying to just get through life. Each one of us has our own struggles and come to these blogs to feel a connection and for fellowship. I mean I have an opinion but I don't want to be loud and proud. I don't want to crush people. Prove I am right. Argue til my last breath. If you need a break take it. However remember how much the darkness and weather play a role in all of this.
ReplyDeleteSince the implosion of my favorite devices, I am using a device which shows me as anonymous. MOST times I catch it before I send it. Sometimes I don’t, and have to reply to my own comment with a signature. The bloggers I visit repeatedly and comment to have come to recognize my syntax, even if I don’t sign! If it’s something like recipes, and I send prior to signing, I often don’t bother to reply to sign.
Delete-Meg B.
Meg, sadly, I show as anonymous in comments even on MY OWN blog & nothing has worked. So, I also show as anonymous, but 99% of the time remember to add my name (Hawaii Planner). It's super irritating.
DeleteI have noticed both you ladies are showing as anon and you are in the same group as Cindy. Mostly this was directed at the anon comments that just came out nasty.
DeleteAmy- you were probably wise to duck out. Not just that I was a moron but an "F U" moron. That's when my ire started blowing up. But, I will say things in person if I type them in the computer. I can be loud and proud, but admittedly can also be a real bitch if pushed hard enough. I admit it.
DeleteJust catching up on your last posts. I live in another country and find it really frightening what Trump is doing, or allowed to be done in his name by Musk. I can't understand the mindset of his most ardent followers.
ReplyDeleteAnd as I believe we are a global society, I welcome the views from others not living in the US. How dare our government say we are world leaders and then stomp on the opinions of others. That's not leadership but being a bully.
DeleteI think you have every right to post whatever you want. It's your blog. I'm sorry my comment on your last post was so charged/angry. I do try to be level headed, tho don't always succeed at that (clearly!). I only know you through here, and it's your authenticity that keeps me coming back. If I ever sound judging I certainly don't mean to and I apologize. I love your kindness to your children and the furry gang.
ReplyDeleteLots of hearts were fired up. My children are my world, and my pets/ grand pets are part of my family. I love them so much.
DeleteHey girlfriend, you know what is best for you. I know it is hard for most to understand this, but we are just surviving. At least I am. Why did we think this would be over, or why did I think this would be over, boy am I dumb, or maybe just wishful. Think of you always. Love and hugs.
ReplyDeleteIt's still so hard, and society expects us widows to just get on with life and leave them to live their own. Besides loneliness, there's the plain practical things like loss of income, loss of knowledge, and loss of a future. It's not as someone tone deaf once stated, and I paraphrase, better to lose a loved one to death than have them go no contact. It's also not the same as divorce or losing a parent.
Delete(((((Sam))))) I was floored after reading some of the comments on that post. 😳 I steered clear of it.
ReplyDeleteI’m sorry for your brothers news and hope the best for him. The two cousin kitties are adorable!
It was not a play nice day. The little kitten is cute but she has some claws
DeleteSending hugs. I understand the need to take a break. Everything can be a bit much. Wishing you peace and joy in the small things esp those kitties.
ReplyDeleteI really am trying to find the good things. No one chooses to be sad, but I think it's naive to say someone can just choose to be happy. The kitten though, has a 95% sweet disposition. It's the 5% to look out for.
Delete