Sunday Morning Thoughts
As my life keeps changing, or transitioning, I find I need a place to capture all the thoughts. This is noodling through the keyboard type of post but happy to have your thoughts on anything I yammer on about.
Week Days and Weekends
I'm curious how folks that are retired think about weekends and the start of new weeks. Most people in my life will still have the Monday- Friday fray. My son has a varied schedule, so can work 14 days, then no work for multiple days, so he's an outlier. So is my photographer friend, who works with her clients availability at certain times of the year. There's surely going to be a lot of benefits time wise. I figure I can take advantage of free time to avoid crazy times at grocery stores, banks, post office, or other places that the workers of the world have to cram into lunch breaks, vacation days, or weekends. But, I also feel the limited structure will lead me to unproductiveness and even laziness some days. I'm hopeful my social connections improve because I'll be more available to meet other people's schedules.
Home Improvement
I wrote a whole post on all that needs done in my house. It made me overwhelmed rather than organized, so I scrapped it. I decided I need to focus on 1-3 thing at a time, prioritizing maintenance that keeps the house standing over aesthetics. But, decluttering feels like it's both and- making the house functional and improving the appearance. Meg's comments about safety have me thinking of the risks day to day; clutter creates risk of tripping, things falling, not finding emergency supplies when needed, you get the idea. Now I need to think through what the first items to tackle beyond decluttering should be done come April.
Gardening
My new free time before May is to learn more about vegetable gardening. Then come May, I hope to be ready to prep and plant. I know I want to get the vegetables we really enjoy, but also are able to save and preserve for later like bell peppers, zucchini, and tomatoes for sure. I'm starting small with two raised beds and a place for ground squash/ pumpkins, a separate trellis and planter for cucumbers. Thanks to Chef Jules for her tips on raised beds. I need to clean up the raspberry bushes too. That's free fruit, and leads to great gifts when I later make homemade jam. I want to start a compost heap, so hope to build some sort of box, similar to what my daughter has. She also has a compost bin for food waste like this to keep organics separate, smells at bay, and detract from critters. Who has something like this? Any recommendations on best practices for good results?
Holidays and Boundaries
All my children are adults and have full autonomy to spend their time as they prefer. Of course, I love when they choose to spend holidays with me. It's trickier with extended family. I have niece's and nephews who I might see one time a year, if that. They've prioritized their immediate family, and their first tier family (parents/in-laws) over the large family gatherings. This bothers some of my siblings, but I remember what it was like the years we juggled four different Christmas gatherings over two days plus wanted to enjoy with our own young children. It's too much in large families, and many have multiple sets of parents to try and fit in.
In my husband's family, there seems to be an expectation that they get the family time on holidays. I've pushed back on that. My boundary is that I'll join if it's just my MIL's children/ grandchildren, but passing if it goes beyond. I'll do Christmas day, though trying to decrease the time commitment, but Easter and Thanksgiving have had non- relatives to me and my kids, so I'm choosing to pass. It's not that I don't like the other guests, but as I have members of my own family I don't see often, I'd rather join them. Easter and Mother's Day are on the horizon. I'm passing on both, but plan to have my MIL over perhaps the day or weekend before, depending on what might work for my kids.
These are my weekend and Sunday morning thoughts. It's a decent weather day and I need a walk. Maybe I'll get one in before church and stop and see my brother briefly after, though may do that tomorrow as he's likely to have more visitors today. I have my book to finish for book club tonight, but otherwise just a lazy Sunday day when I really could be accomplishing things I wrote about above.
"I'm curious how folks that are retired think about weekends and the start of new weeks. " I very much keep up with day-of-the-week. I take a cardio class M/W when in town. I love this class and it's a wonderful way to start each week, getting energized. I love that errands can happen on "workdays". Congestion on the roads and in stores in minimal.
ReplyDeleteI might suggest writing a list of things you love to do that you simply don't have time/energy for and decide when you'll do those. My top 3:
--I read each morning until 0700. It doesn't matter if I wake at 0430 or 0630. I have my morning coffee. I listen to the 0700 news-being informed is important to me.
--Exercise. I vowed not to waste the technology and gift of these perfect knee replacements. I look at the hourly weather for the day (during winter) and determine when I can walk. If it's awful, I go against my conservative earth-hugger soul, and go to the mall for mall-walker hour. When I do this, I'm not allowed to leave until I've got 10k steps.
-Quilt. This is my art outlet. I spend time cutting/piecing/quilting.
Compost: I chose a corner of the backyard and everything gets tossed there. (I've had the container devices. They don't hold enough and don't get hot enough to process quickly.) Yup, a nice messy pile. Turn it in spring when the ground has thawed and again in fall. Once garden is planted, I take it to the beds for topdressing. I don't worry about it being all broken down-that will happen. This year, I'm thinking I might get 3 pallets, stand them up and wire them together and stake a piece of rebar at the front 2 to keep them in place. I've read this method on other gardener blogs.
I'm a fan of raised beds. I have 8 for a total of 150 linear feet and fill my 14cf freezer every fall. I rarely need to buy veg until late February unless I just have to have fresh broccoli like I did last week. A good vacuum foodsaver becomes a necessity though.
Being childless seems to carry the same demands from family as you describe. It gets really old and I've learned to say "thank you. I already have plans". No explanation given.
While it's a scary transition it is also a very freeing time in life. "Do what I want, when I want, if I want". That was my initial retirement mantra and I continue nearly 6y later!
I'm talking my new knee as a gift, so yes, want to make sure lots of exercise is part of my days. It's my first real week at a reduced schedule and already got a walk in and it feels great. I like the idea of carving out my list of what I've just not had enough time for. You're a wealth of ideas.
DeleteYAY!!!!! for enjoying the pain-free walk :-) Like you, I retired young and all my friends and nearby family working and they all still do. Learning to be joyfully alone and being happy with my days was a journey. I'm glad some of my learning is resonating for you. It is definitely intimidating to consider what a full day without work, every single day, can be like!
DeletePain free might be an overstatement but the fact that my knee isn't feeling like a bomb is going off inside has been nothing short of miraculous.
DeleteMy ex had a family that did not socialize with each other, and so am an only child, so it was just my kids and my mom and him, when he felt like showing up. I have visited my daughter and her family on Christmas but it is so stressful flying across country on that holiday, I now try to visit Marin Luther King weekend. I had the flu at Christmas and so did youngest son, so the holiday with three sons and ex got canceled.I had left gifts luckily with ex for him and the mental son. The ex and I drove down to see youngest and his girlfriend after we recovered from flu and met at Olive Garden. Still haven’t been able to get gifts to oldest bc of his work schedule. Hopefully this week….. maybe. I did send him money for Christmas so he was happy. I am pretty chill about the holidays and don’t care if kids go elsewhere. I will see them when their work schedule, and mine, and their dad’s, permits. It may be July. Lol. Cindy in the South
ReplyDeleteI'm ok with celebrating holiday at non holiday time! A relaxing Christmas sounds great compared to the somewhat forced togetherness. I need to remember to be careful for what I might think I wish for though.
DeleteI only have one true weekend off a month so I don’t have much input on that but I will say that it’s nice to have days off throughout the week when I can do things at less busier times. And leaning back into my observations of my dad, he is fairly consistent of his wake and bed times, has certain days he prefers to do certain things but is also flexible based on weather, mood etc.
ReplyDeleteI feel the same way about holidays. I understand that their significant others have families and never want to make holidays stressful for any of them. We do all live relatively close to each other, at least for now so we can make things work out. I do often work holidays but with some flexibility. I always work Christmas Eve to have off the day after Christmas. I’ll work Mother’s Day to have off Father’s Day since DD’s birthday is always around that day and we often are on vacation. This year, she inadvertently scheduled her own vacation over Mother’s Day weekend and felt bad but I told her not to worry about it. I’m pretty sure we’re spending Easter at the Pirates baseball game this year. We’ve done it before and it’s a blast.
I don’t garden much beyond hanging baskets and some perennials that have lived here longer than we have but I’m looking forward to seeing those bloom.
I was up early today to see DD off back to school so I plan on taking a lil snooze this afternoon, folding a basket of laundry, some kitchen work including making beef stew and and portioning and freezing chicken I got on sale for 1.99/lb. I’m working on cleaning out a dresser and need to locate some legos that a friend might want. Very quiet day here. JoAnn
The Brits have it right with Boxing Day. I love a slow day after Christmas.
DeleteThe time management transition into retirement has been a bit of a struggle for me. Part of this is due to what appears to be undiagnosed ADHD. The other part is my slow segway into retirement-I told my management in January of 2020 that I wanted to start cutting back my work hours and phasing into retirement as of March of 2020. I'm pretty much fully retired, although it has been a long, slow process of gradual disengagement. I have certain bookends to my day-unless I have a morning appointment, I work out on my Peloton bike or take a walk as soon as I roll out of bed-otherwise it won't get done. I also typically plan dinner for about 6 PM each night. I'm pretty active-taking online OLLI classes, meeting up with friends, doing Parks Department hikes, participating in 2 book clubs, and doing outings with 2 Meetup groups that I am in. However, when I don't have plans, I find it far too easy to fall into an Internet rabbit hole. I'm also guilty of "time blindness". After reading a couple of books about ADHD coping strategies, I've decided to start incorporating "if/then" rules. Today is actually Day 1, since we just got back from a big trip. I told myself that IF I looked over my Mom's bank accounts (I handle her finances), put away the stuff in the dryer, and cleaned out my travel toiletry kit by 9 AM, I could watch CBS Sunday Morning with my husband today. It worked! Meeting up with friends does become a bit easier, although some friends still work, and others travel and have grandchild obligations. My son, DIL and 2 grandkids live nearby-I try to have then for dinner every other weekend when we are not traveling, and try to go for school pickups once a week when we would otherwise not see them. They are busy with fulltime work, so I try to fit into their schedules. In terms of gardening, we have purchased raised boxes called Earthboxes on Ebay, and have had great success with them. Think about adding an herb garden if you can-chives and thyme come back every year. I've also had parsley re-appear, and typically plant basil and rosemary. In addition to tomatoes, cukes and summer/winter squash, I have also planted Italian red onion seeds (found via the Botanical Interest catalog). They grow like scallions but can get a bit bigger-much easier than planting "onion sets."
ReplyDeleteI've got those Olli classes in my mind to check out for next winter. That's when I'm most worried about becoming a shut in, but also plan to maybe ramp up subbing post Christmas, rebuilding a travel fund.
DeleteI have a schedule for Monday - Friday at the gym then errands when gym classes are over. Schedule appointments and shop week days also. Dislike weekends….to me they are family days/ socializing with family of which I have none. Weekends might be cleaning/ batch cooking for rest of the week or going a longer distance to shore somewhere since in my area no real appropriate shops. Especially hard sundays after football season as at least 6 months of something to look forward too……especially this year as the Eagles won the Super Bowl!!!! Took about a year to eighteen months to get into a routine that I can adhere to. Realize that as I age, things might have to change based on my health. You will find a routine that works for you. I a, not a night person so content to be in house by 6 pm at latest. I’m up early by 5 am to get ready for gym
ReplyDeleteI mourn post football season too- but I'm developing a big love for hockey and Premier League soccer. I like baseball and basketball, but get kind of bored with both after a bit.
DeleteI've switched to doing shopping and errands to week days instead of weekends. So much easier with shorter lines, less traffic, etc.
ReplyDeleteMy compost pile is just a fenced in corner of my back yard. I turn it over maybe once or twice a year. I probably should grow veggies, but my yard doesn't have a lot of sunny spots and I much prefer using those for flowers. I can get veg relatively cheaply at farmers market in summer, but flowers are expensive; and flowers make me smile.
I might get whacked saying this but I do not understand the obviously retired people who have more flexible schedules intentionally running errands at lunch hours, at 5:0, and weekends. Why battle crowds and impatience if you don't have to. I want more flowers in front and am switching my planter boxes to flowers in back. I hope my garden is moderately successful. Our fathers market is quite expensive but delicious produce.
DeleteMy brother has one of these; he says it works well.
ReplyDeleteI was thinking just for food waste to help with smell and critters. I see Elles point above so need to learn more.
DeleteI had to take early retirement (ill health) and was only 58 so most of my friends were still working. I also had to move to a new area. In the beginning I was a little lonely but as I got used to the slower pace of life, remembered I could take time and pleasure in the little things and made some new friends, life got better. Can I recommend "How to live like a millionaire on a retirement budget" by Elizabeth Dunkel. It's not really about finance, more about a luxurious attitude to life, seeing extra time as an asset. The subtitle is "Priceless strategies for living as if money were no object".
ReplyDeleteThat book sounds like a good prescription read. You seem to be someone that attracts friends- happy you found new relationships in your retirement.
DeleteMaybe consider a short term to do list and one for longer term. That way when you finish your short term list you can pick more from the long term list. I get overwhelmed too if my short term list is too long.
ReplyDeleteI have lists of lists at this point.
DeleteI think you put too much pressure on yourself to please all your extended family and in the process are making yourself a bit unhappy. We (and past generations of my family and dh's family) alternated years of who we spent a holiday with. My dd does this now. One Christmas with us, the next Christmas with her inlaws. Dh and his siblings did work it out so that we were all on the same year with their parents, so we'd get to spend it with them and their kids. I don't see anything wrong with saying to your inlaws "things have changed for me now that dh has passed....I'm going to be trying some new holiday schedules".
ReplyDeleteYou have to remember that they also lost a son/ brother so I m trying to balance. And, I think your response "I'm going to be trying so some new holiday schedules" is perfect. It's polite,but self preserving.
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