A More Positive Season of Advent Post

      The Honest Christmas Letter post was really for personal catharsis. I do not want my children to lose their connections to their dad's family.  I don't want my MIL, who's had to adjust to loss as well, to feel like we're abandoning her. It's not easy to "say no and make your own traditions" when as a widow, your MIL is still with you, and there's other complex ties for your children to the other side of the family. It's just that I'd like to be more open and honest without feeling judged that I'm not widowing right. I feel that a lot, and sometimes from other widows. I know it's my feelings, not necessarily intent, which I own. Sadly, there's a lot of us widows blogging, each with different experiences and navigation issues and no approach fits all. I was writing for me alone. 

      It's now Sunday, December 8th, the second Sunday of Advent. As I'm honoring and even celebrating a bit the Christian components of Christmas, I think of the Advent season as being a time to  reflect on being a more compassionate and humble human. Consumerism, commercialism, and gluttony have replaced what the intent of the season is about. But I can choose to ignore all that and keep my beliefs. Even with all the  sadness this season can bring, how much I miss my old life, I've got so many  gifts in my life that I did nothing to deserve. I want to reflect with appreciation for this.

• My children genuinely seem to like me, like each other, and want to spend time together. My heart goes out to those with estrangement in their immediate family.
• I was born into a large family, which has grown larger. There's a few chinks in the foundation, but for the most part these are the people that always have each others back.
• Part of why I'm so busy right now is that I have wonderful friends, both from childhood and those I met later. There's no shortage of opportunity to socialize should I want to, and yet, feel supported and not abandoned when I go through periods of isolating myself. 
• My neighbor's, even the ones with the "horrid" kids that throw crap over the fence at at my house, are nice, helpful, kind to each other. I love seeing the kids play outside and the waves I get walking the dogs or as I come home. (They're not truly horrid but in the last two years we've had fireplace logs, mud, and most recently, eggs thrown at the house. I think the younger boys are encouraging the child with special needs to do naughty things. Parents brought kids over to apologize after the eggs... hopefully the last instance.The girls are the sweet kids. All total, six kids 14 and under live there, plus she has three adult kids, 6 grandchildren, and he has one older teen. It's a very large family. The teen with special needs was my husband's buddy, tagging along with him when he did yard work. 
• My hard working sensible husband left us with resources and while working, I have an above average paying job, that I rarely should feel financial stress. Of course, leading into retirement gives me doubt at times, but the sensible side knows I'll be fine. (I'm as leery as anyone about what the future might hold, but can't dwell on the unknown.)
• I live in a community that lifts up members when struggling. We have so many charitable organizations and diverse faith communities that join in efforts. Are there 21st Century problems like school violence and drugs, and age old problems of poverty and bigotry? Of course, it's not Utopia; but the good overcomes these challenges most often. 
• The beautiful, wonderful furry family members; they're work and chaos, but each fills a hole in all four of us. Because I'm not able to put up a regular tree due to the kitten who is bent on destruction, and daughter's cat who still bites cords, I splurged on this. It's green, but people I've shared with have said it looks purple in the picture. We've had her for 12 weeks and I can't get imagine life without her now. To think  what would have happened to her had she not found my son makes me love her all the more. 

  

  We're still figuring out the best placement. She likes to climb the outside and get to the toy on top but also has taken flying leaps from table tops and the piano to it.

  
  

     This is just a scratch of the surface of the gifts I have. Hopefully I show myself worthy. I plan to be generous this season, helping others, donating both gifts and additional cash, and giving a bit of my time too. I know I'll have down moments, but others are battling sadness too, yet may not have even one of the gifts above. 

     And, I've apparently been given another gift. Blogs from 3, 4, even 8 years ago started jumping into my reading list. These are by bloggers I really enjoyed getting to know, but for a wide variety of reasons no longer do so. Oh, was it a joy to read from Jan at The Great Escape, Curtice at The Second Hand Years, and Kathy at 2 Make Ends Meet. These were some of the first blogs I found when searching "thrifty" which brought up blogs that included "thrifted" and it felt a bit like old friends sent me a letter. I hope you are all well and maybe will post again. To all of you in my blog circles today, I hope the season is kind to you and you spend December in ways that bring your heart contentment.