Thinking About Family

      Life is unpredictable, and scary, and overwhelming some times. Having family that can help through all the uncertainty has been my lifeline, even with the challenges. I love my children more than life, which is why their sadness, disappointment, stress, and anxiety fills me with those same emotions. Their happiness is equally shared. 

     Recently my son moved back to our home state and will live with me for the immediate calendar. From a practical perspective, cultures that promote multi generational living have gotten it right. Collectively, I feel like we can make better decisions and leverage each other's strengths and mitigate our deficits in a single household. It's just not the American way though is it? Independence and self reliance is the optimal goal. Heaven forbid going what's perceived as backwards to regroup by living again with a parent or sibling. 

     My son needs time to think about his career and living plans. California sucked so much out of him, but I'm so proud he pursued his dream for nearly a decade. Moving cross country and building a life alone couldn't have been easy. He's smart and hard working, so this reset period should hopefully set him up for the next 2/3rds of his life. 

     I read other bloggers that have either permanently or temporarily have had adult children rejoin their households. I've appreciated thinking back on what I've read to get honest takes on both the challenges, but also the joys. For some it was divorce that changed life. Illness, either by child or parent also seemed a catalyst for sharing a home. Others, the economy and reality that it's really expensive out there, and money can be saved by combining living arrangements was the impetus. Some adult children it seems just needed to be closer to family, and build/ rebuild connections. For my son, it's a combination of the two latter. Losing his dad, though he's not one to discuss his grief much, plus genuinely enjoying his time back last summer, gave him new perspective. He's now seeing opportunity in Minnesota and living near family compared to his past self seeing limitations. Wisdom comes with age I guess. 

     I want to walk back misconstrued thoughts about my in-laws. They all do have my family's best interest at heart, love me and my children, and if I asked for help, it would certainly come. Individually, some in-laws have differing opinions from me on what's in our best interest and don't always back off from that view. I want my children, heck myself too, to have positive and loving relationships with all. Those can thrive if we have boundaries. I have two sister that don't always accept that too, so I know boundary pushing can happen from either side of my family. 

     I write all these because I lie awake many nights, trying to plan for the unknown and the scary, like getting my knee and health back and retirement. But, I lie awake also thinking about my dreams for bright futures for my kids. I don't mean riches, but positive and good people, extended family included, family by choice as well, who are supportive, non judgemental, and can help ease the bumps in the road but moreso, celebrate joys. Isn't that what all of us want when we choose to become parents? Isn't that what we want for ourselves?