Never Without Hope
I'm trying to slowly build a new solo life, albeit with my family and friends in it. I recognize I'm not truly alone. I'm sorry if my posts the last few months since restarting blogging haven't always felt positive. I've just been writing about my reality and the challenges of making life work now, and processing that my husband has passed away and I really miss him and the life we had. I'm grieving for the future life that we will never have together. It takes time to readjust when you've had a certain path for a long time. I've never been without hope though; I've been sad, tired, and often lonely, even in a room full of people, but not hopeless.
I don't know why I'm writing this post. I guess to provide assurance to anyone reading that I'm ok, or maybe to myself that I'm ok. It's good to have all my kids close, though they've had disrupted paths too. I hope they build lives filled with joy, and with people to both share their joy and build with them guard rails when sad times come again. With life, we know this is inevitable.
A different path is OK to take now. It is hard, but it has to be done in order to help us and to honor those who are not here. We hurt because we love - otherwise it wouldn't bother us so much. You are doing well. Be proud!!!
ReplyDeleteNo need to apologise SAM. I'm cheering you on and wishing the very best for you and the children. I can only compare your circumstances with those of my mum, and truly, I think you're doing brilliantly xx
ReplyDeleteYou're moving through life the best way YOU know how, and that is all that matters. I am glad you have hope. Sending love to you from Toronto.
ReplyDeleteOh, Sam, hugs and more hugs. And as Scarlet commented above: NO need to apologize for not seeming "positive." You are who counts, not your readers!
ReplyDeleteOh my goodness, please don't ever apologize or think you should apologize for how you've felt in the moments you've written your blog. It is not your roll to make others comfortable but rather to build a life you never wanted. YOU matter and if others are uncomfortable, too dang bad (cleaned up my language). Hugs t you!
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely no apology is necessary! You are working through your feelings, and that’s completely ok. ♥️
ReplyDeletePlease don’t feel like you need to apologize for anything. I appreciate you sharing your life with us. JoAnn
ReplyDeleteAs others have said, no apology needed! I haven't found your posts to be negative. They are genuine and true to you. You are doing what you need to do.
ReplyDeleteIt is a shock to become a widow. Everything you knew about life, your future, is suddenly gone. I became a widow almost fifteen years ago. I have not handled it well but have done my best to have a quiet life.
ReplyDeleteIt may seem like a long time since you have lost your husband but it is not. Give yourself the grace to grieve, however long you need, It will get better over time but you will still think of him everyday. All the plans you made for retirement are gone. You have to figure out what you need in the future. I don't apologize.to anyone for my feelings, I cannot just stop missing him and what we thought would be in old age.
It is ok. You grieve as long as you need. No one is a ray of sunshine 24/7 anyways. Your life and path literally changed in seconds. Cindy in the South
ReplyDeleteSending hugs.
ReplyDeleteI was widowed two years, three months, and 21 days ago. Grieving and adjusting to this new life is much harder than anyone would expect it to be. I feel, finally, after nearly 2 1/2 years, that I'm starting to tread water again. I've been sinking up until this point. I have two children at home - a teenager and a young adult. They've been my saviors during this time. I wouldn't have survived without them needing me, tbh. I'm finally able to start the process of rebuilding a life for myself. I've started going out two times a month. I go scrapbooking once and out to dinner with a friend once. I usually work from home, so getting out has been significant.
ReplyDeleteYou really can't do more than you're doing. Each step of the process is necessary and part of your healing. You are exactly where you're supposed to be in this process because it's uniquely yours. Much love, strength, and peace to you. - Michelle
Dear anonymous and Sam, my sister widowed unexpectedly at 57yo. I remember vividly, the call at 3 years when she said "I'm going to be okay. I have turned the corner". We spoke every few days the entire time and I flew to her 5-8x/year for awhile. I can't imagine how she felt nor how you both feel. I share because everyone has their own experience and timelines should not be placed on you.
DeleteYou don't have to apologize for anything Sam. No-one knows how they would react to such a horrific loss, all the more so since in your case it was so sudden! You are doing amazingly!
ReplyDeleteAll of the above. No-one can know how they'll react in any situation until it happens to them. We're all individuals, so how we each cope is pertinent to us only.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad that you have hope even in the midst of this journey. Please don't apologize, none of us are always optimistic and we haven't been thru what you are going thru. This blog is your journal, and we thank you for giving us a glimpse into your life. I like to think that we are "friends" cheering you on.
ReplyDeleteNo need to apologize for anything!! No one knows how they would feel going through what you've gone through. Even if they have lost a spouse, everyone and every situation is different. You just do what you need to do and we'll be here cheering you along.
ReplyDeleteI'm in awe of how much you've achieved, Sam. I never find your blogs negative, I think you're amazing. x
ReplyDeleteNever apologize for what you are feeling. Grief is a wild journey, and you get to feel what you feel. It's been nearly 3 years since I lost my sweetie, and I can still cry over a song or a sight that I know he loved, and we shared over the years. I think you are doing well with what you have. Blessings to you and your family. Lynn, Pecos, NM
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad that you haven't lost hope. You are going through so much change in your life, and unexpected change is so incredibly challenging. For you & your family. No one expects you to be positive all the time. This is your place to share how you're feeling - regardless of what that looks like. (Hawaii Planner)
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