An Update

      I last blogged on Monday. This was the day before my brother passed, peacefully at home, at 3:38 a.m., May 6th, 2025. My SIL and his daughter were by his side, with one of my sisters near on the same too small loveseat I had tried the night before to catch a few minutes of sleep. It was important that this sister was there as my brother had been the one to drive her five years ago to the hospital in St Paul after her husband's massive heart attack, he being transported by ambulance. He, like my husband, likely never made it to the hospital in time to be revived, if even possible. She was widowed at 59, just two years older than I was. 

     While circumstances are very different for my SIL than for myself, her pain and learning to live as an "I" and not as a "we" is still there. She has three children with children of their own, a total of nine grandchildren. They will keep her busy as well as her siblings, us as she chooses, and her huge extended friend group, some of whom also have lost their partners. At a healthy 76, she has a lot of living to do still. 

     I'm grateful for the medicine and the collective care we could provide to keep my brother as comfortable as possible. Seventeen days at home, 34 care shifts by family supporting my SIL, though she did the direct care-insisted on doing the direct care. I had six of those shifts, not even 20%, but being retired meant I could take four of them I otherwise wouldn't have been able to. 

     The visitation and funeral are next week. My SIL is a devout Catholic, a mixed marriage they had, but her religion is what they practiced. It's ironic that he was as involved and active as anyone in their church, but technically not Catholic because he never did the required steps to convert. He will still receive the full sacraments. He will also have military honors having served in the Army  for four years. He was active in the American Legion,  the Knights of Columbus, and a regular volunteer with our family service and Meals on Wheels. Until he no longer could, he donated blood on a regular cycle as Red Cross allows. His loss will be felt in the community. 

     I've tried to 100% focus on my family, or rather his family of which I'm a part. My faith is rocky at best, practically non-existent. I've not had even a glimmer of a God moment since losing my husband, no signs of him in the afterlife. I hope if there is, the people I love were waiting to bring him in and all are together in love and joy. 

Comments

  1. Hi Sam. I don't usually comment here, although I do read. My condolences for your family's loss. I too was widowed young (at 38) and I feel your family's pain. Very best wishes, from Lizzie (in the UK).

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  2. You all gave so much care to your brother and SiL, something you can feel comfortable about and your SiL will always cherish. Sad times for all, take care of yourselves x

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  3. I'm sorry to read this. I'm glad you all were able to surround him with love during this difficult time.

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  4. The gift of time you gave your brother and SIL is a sacred gift.

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    1. This is exactly how I feel Anne - but you said it far better than I could have
      Siobhan x

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  5. My deepest sympathy Sam, to you and your family.

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  6. My deepest condolences and virtual hugs. Cindy in the South

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  7. I'm very sorry for your loss. He sounds like a wonderful man who will be missed by many.

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  8. My sincere condolences to you and your family xx

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  9. My condolences. Your time given to your brother and sister in law was as Anne said, a sacred gift.

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  10. I am sorry for you and the family at this big loss. Prayers of healing for all.

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  11. I am so sorry. I am glad that you were able to be with your brother during these past few weeks. I'm sure it was a comfort to him and your sil. Prayers for comfort, and I hope that you will have a God moment from your husband and brother.

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  12. What a time this has been for all of you and as you know, it is never really over. I am glad you were able to be such a big part of your brothers transition, and yet it had to be so hard. I wish for you much peace and comfort in the days and years ahead.

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  13. I'm so sorry, Sam.

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  14. I'm so sorry. You and your family, especially your SIL and hers, have my sympathy. It's so hard to lose family.

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  15. I am heartened by the direct care he received by his family and his home.

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  16. I’m so sorry for the loss of your brother. JoAnn

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  17. Sam, I am so very sorry for your loss! Kay

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  18. I am so very, very sorry for your loss, Sam. I am so touched by how your family came together to offer love and support to your brother and SIL.

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  19. I'm so sorry for your loss. Like others, I'm sure it was so very appreciated that you were able to work together with your family to be there during this time, and not having to work made that much easier. I'm glad you had the schedule flexibility to make it happen. - Hawaii Planner

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  20. So very sorry for the loss of your brother - wishing you peace at this sad time, SAM.

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  21. Prayers for all of you at this time.

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  22. I am sorry for your loss. Take care of you and yours.

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  23. I am so sorry to hear of your brother's passing and will be thinking of you and your SIL this week and praying for comfort and strength to get through each day x

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  24. My deepest sympathies go out to your and your family.

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  25. I'm so sorry for your loss, Sam. I hope that the care and time you were able to give your brother in his last days was some comfort to you. xxx

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  26. I'm so very to sorry to hear of your brother's death. Sending love and hugs your way. It sounds as though he was surrounded by so much love.

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