Sam Squared

      A few posts ago I mentioned that a savings strategy was eating unconventional meals- meals just thrown together, though nutritionally balanced, with whatever we had on hand. Here's a few recent meals to end the month if October.  Bung It Chili: Canned tomato and assorted beans from freezer, miscellaneous vegetables to use up with lots of spices, just thrown in crockpot and forgot until people were hungry. Picture is horrible but couldn't be bothered to retake. The clump in middle is still frozen black beans.  Seasoned rice with ; mashed acorn squash, sweet potato wedges, and steamed carrots.  Black bean, pepper, onion, and diced potatoes in the last two tortillas , folded burrito style and grilled. I had a can of Pace cheese sauce lingering in the pantry, heated and poured over.  Thai chili tuna on leftover brat ( hotdog) buns topped with sliced Colby  cheese  with cottage cheese and fruit. Salad plate-that's why it's heaping.  Hal...

           My son will have a hard time getting a loan for a mortgage because of how his earning cycle has been unless he has a very large down payment. He's had a feast or famine kind of career, so when "feast",  he tries to save and squirrel away as much as possible. Now, I'd be happy him staying as long as he needs though of course understand this is a temporary arrangement. He wants his own place, but also not the lack of any equity if he rented. There's no specific timeline. Because prices change and different areas of the metro have different housing costs, what he needs to set aside could vary dramatically. Until he's committed, he'll just keep building reserves.       As we share some expenses here, and I have my own money goals, we're in a few self directed money challenges together. He probably wouldn't call them challenges but it's how my brain works. I put targets out there, say, staying below $500 for groceries, and hone...

           Fall has always been my favorite season, with October being my favorite month. I was so pleased my husband felt the same and we chose this month for our wedding. Years later, my second child arrived a few weeks early, getting in on the month under the wire at 9:57, October 31. That solidified the ordinary magic of October for me.       When I started my knee replacement experience, the surgery team and Physical Therapists wanted to know my goals. "October" I said. "I don't want to miss October." The Manipulation Under Anesthesia (MUA) at six weeks almost derailed my goal, but I worked and pushed myself hard. As the month winds down, I reflected a bit about those things that I have been able to get in on that feel special to me, enjoyed in the fall/ autumn season. Fresh local apples . While no trip to pick apples this year, as I wasn't the steadiest, I still got in on the tastes and smells of local varieties. I've used in bakin...

      I've lost track, but suppose could look, at how many posts I've written in the last year but never published. These were mind dumps, getting thoughts out that I didn't want to burden family or friends with, and certainly not readers. Those I've published have been a bit for accountability (Dreams or Just Plans) or to share glimpses of joy (Little Miss) so I feel connected beyond my own closed off circle. I started pondering in general, why am I still blogging, even if minimal. I guess the answer is I want to eventually get back to a place where I have a rhythm, a routine, and a regular way to share community space with others that might have an interest in the same things that interest me.       I don't want my existence to be seen as grieving helpless widow. I want to put on a bit of armor and get back into things I enjoyed in the past. I want to find my voice again, the one where I challenged myself then wrote about them- budget challenges, cr...

    I don't remember where this photo came from and why it's in my phone. I guess I saved at one time because it felt like my life- broken pieces but so wanting to hold together.    I'm still not in a good place mentally, but at least am moving towards realization that this is now my life, without my husband, and navigating however many years I have ahead alone. To say life has changed in two years for my family, collective and individually is an understatement. My focus is on supporting my kids, and trying to find a new direction or purpose myself.       I'm burnt out in my job and have officially given a retirement date, even earlier than the original July 2025. I refuse to put myself through the spring chaos of budget and policy season. I thought long and hard about not going back after my knee surgery, but there's too big a financial miss to justify that due to hitting a milestone anniversary on March 3. Plus, I do like my colleagues and havin...