Lessons I'm Still Learning

Teacher post-it notes from last Friday.


     Whats the thing people are saying now when they learn something new? I was today's age when I learned to, that, how...
  • Some people will want to put a box around me to help them understand me and my behavior, or justify theirs, often completely off base. However, boxes have six sides to open and step out from and I'm not obligated to stay there for their comfort.
  • Guard tightly those things that are precious to me while sharing with those that see how precious those things are. Not everyone deserves an inside view of my family, my memories, my grief, and my story, but it's lonely shutting people out who can help lift burdens and share joy. Exercise more caution.
  • Living my life in ways that align with my values never should be diminished. I don't need to buy figuratively or literally acceptance of choices. Practicing reciprocity of this lesson to others can be improved. 
  • Passive aggression is toxic and sign of ineffective coping skills. I've released some undeserved guilt for something I wasn't even aware was an issue. Lesson to myself, always have the challenging conversations when needed, people aren't mind readers; handle differences like a capable adult.
  • And also, not everything has to turn into a battle and the world is really not trying to personally persecute me. The thought of being a perpetual victim is exhausting. 
  • The flight attendant message is spot on. Put my own oxygen mask on first before and in order to help others. 
  • Very cliche, but true; no one is coming to save me. I'm the only one who can make choices and take actions to live and sustain a good life. 
     I'm sure I'll learn more as I  continue to age and life moves forward. Anything you've learned beyond  these? Can you relate to my lessons?

Comments

  1. AnonymousApril 16, 2026 at 7:15 AM

    I can certainly relate to these and exercising more caution when sharing with others jump off the page to me. When we moved last year I decided not to ‘ wear my heart on my sleeve’ so much. It’s a decision that I don’t regret. Over sharing , especially with acquaintances, can be exhausting and come back to bite!
    Alison in Devon x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. SAMApril 16, 2026 at 9:07 AM

      I hate strangers knowing I'm a widow unless pertinent to the situation-none of their business, and I really dislike having it be disclosed by others like it's my identity. Believe me, I'm fully aware every moment, everyday. I don't like pitying looks, platitudes, or an assumption that the door is open for them to "relate." If I share, it's my choice.

      Delete
  2. ElleApril 16, 2026 at 7:20 AM

    Mom lessons:
    -my oldest brother killed himself in 1994 as Dad was dying of his lung cancer. She said "there are too many people that are NOSEY and don't care about us in the least. I will not answer their questions!"
    -as you get older, don't be mad about what you can't do, be grateful for what you CAN do.
    -She was diagnosed with bladder cancer in 2007 and died in just 7 weeks. "I don't have to LIKE it but I do have to ACCEPT it".

    I am 64 and these lessons have been invaluable to me and hubster as we have coped with big loss around us, his uncurable cancer diagnosis and weighing decisions moving forward.
    -Mental healthcare is healthcare and should not be avoided (started in '94 coping with those 2 deaths). I don't care if other's think it's a weakness. I've spent considerable $ on it and it helped me create personal strength.
    -Focus on enjoying today.
    -And yes, still plan for the future knowing it may or may not come.
    -The end game cannot run our lives!!!
    -Grief is personal and cannot be explained to those who haven't been there. It's easier for them to say my feelings are not true. (this one really pisses me off!) It's how they make themselves feel better.

    I appreciate all you share on your blog. I find strength and healing in your words and I hope you find a "pearl" in reader comments that serves you.

    HUGS!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. SAMApril 16, 2026 at 9:15 AM

      Wow, Elle, your mom had to learn lessons from unbearable hardship. I think I need to absorb those lessons as well. Virtual strangers asking details on my husband's death, why Im still in my "big house" alone, my early retirement are just being nosy. I 100% agree with your take on mental health care and grief- even from other widows who seem to expect me to grieve in the manner they do. And yes, we need to live for now while planning for a future that may or may not happen. I'm juggling a lot to not outlive my funds, enjoy things now, and not leave a mess for my kids.

      Delete

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