Caregiver Thoughts
![]() |
My brother worked at a tree nursery. He had planted lilacs at my parents house, a massive border that became part of my childhood. I associate lilacs with my brother. |
Keeping vigil, being an extra set of hands to turn and reposition my brother, helping to keep him comfortable like rubbing anti-itch lotion when he begs for his skin to feel better, and just anything else needed is what we're all doing. This gives my SIL a few moments where she takes breaks, gets a walk, or tries to eat.
She heated up water for a cup of hot chocolate and didn't actually get a chance to drink it until more than an hour had gone by. This is why we're all trying to keep easy and healthy food ready so she'll eat when she feels she can. She's doing the heavy lifting, changing and cleaning the waste bags, giving the medication that's helping his pain be managed. She's answering calls and greeting visitors. She's coordinating with the hospice nursing
My brother was always a talkative guy.... some might have said too talkative at times. He has his views and wasn't afraid to share them. He also was the most time generous man imaginable, an excellent carpenter, using his gift for family and friends as well as to earn a living. Both he and my SIL are very social people, with close friends going back 70+ years. You all know I have a huge extended family, and hers is large too with five siblings and nearly 20 nieces and nephews, all close like ours, no family rifts or stupid feuds. When he was still lucid, he told his daughters I'll always want to have visitors, and so he has. He seems to have a twinge of perk when a new face comes to say hi, touch his hand gently, and visit for a few minutes.
I read the hospice provided end of life booklet. All the information came back to my mind from nearly 14 years ago when my dad came home to complete his life in his own surroundings. I remembered the conversations he seemed to be having with my mom, who passed 20 months earlier, and with his brother and two son-in-laws that preceded him in death. Talking to those that passed before is one of the later stages of dying. I watch and listen for my brother maybe talking with my sister, who died a year after my dad or with my parents. Maybe, just maybe, a conversation with my husband. I didn't get to say a last goodbye to him as his death was so sudden and unexpected, but maybe my brother will take it to him in my place.
He might be days, weeks even, from that stage. Keeping him as comfortable as possible for however long he's with us is our shared mission. It's been emotionally draining, but as many of you have commented, a gift.
❣️
ReplyDeleteThank you for being present with he and SIL. Indeed, time is a gift and your recent retirement gave you the time w/o concern for a workplace. Hugs Sam. What you're doing is hard.
ReplyDeleteCaregiving is hard and uplifting and everything between the two. You are giving your family and yourself a beautiful gift from your heart. Thinking of you.
ReplyDeleteSending love to you and your family, thank you for sharing with us. Care giving is not easy, but I love how April put it - hard, uplifting and everything between the two.
ReplyDeleteA hard and loving time for all of you. Take care of yourselves too.
ReplyDeleteThinking of you and your family.
ReplyDeleteSo poignant, difficult and an act of such love. Hard for you all, including your brother. You have my admiration, Sam. xx
ReplyDeleteI know it’s sad. Trust me, I know. But what you wrote was beautiful.
ReplyDelete-Meg B.
End of life is difficult for all. It's hard to watch someone you love slip away. Hospice does amazing work. It's very thoughtful and generous of you to help your brother and SIL. Take care.
ReplyDeleteSending love
ReplyDeleteSiobhan x
Lots of love & good thoughts to you and your family. - Hawaii Planner
ReplyDelete(((((Sam))))) I remember how all consuming caregiving can be. My heart goes out to all of you.
ReplyDeleteKeeping your family in prayer. It is a tough job, being a caregiver - but it is rewarding as well. Prayers of comfort for your brother.
ReplyDeleteI totally understand what you are all going through. Virtual hugs to your family.
ReplyDeletePresence is the ultimate gift.
ReplyDeleteI remember so well end of life care. Virtual hugs and prayers. Cindy in the South
ReplyDeleteI truly believe in the after life so I hope he is talking to those loved ones that have gone before and will be there for him! Anna
ReplyDeletePrayers for you and your family.
ReplyDeleteWhat a wonderful service you are giving to your brother and sister in law.
ReplyDeleteMy prayers are with you. Kay
ReplyDeleteSending hugs your way. It's so good that you are there for your brother and SIL. I am sure she really, really appreciates it.
ReplyDelete