A Challenging Start to the Week

       My brother made the decision he's done fighting. There's nothing more the doctors can do. He'll have hospice care in his own home as he wants, but my SIL needs 24/7 support as  nursing hours provided are minimal. There's three of us under 65 siblings retired, though we each have part time commitments. (I had just accepted two Tuesdays subbing jobs in the coming two weeks), but we'll coordinate as needed. My SIL is the youngest of her siblings at 76, so other than being there for company which is a blessing, likely not a lot of help. 

     My other brother has to return to Florida for his own medical care appointments, impossible to reschedule and we wouldn't want him to. He'll come back when those are done. My other three sisters are not physically able to help much either, but will do meals and errands and be there. My nephew has five children, two with significant physical disabilities, so he's not able to help his parents much. His oldest daughter lives out of town and middle child, daughter, has two teens at home, still dealing with grief issues from losing their dad when they were so young eight years ago. My younger sisters husband, younger retiree, has already been a great help and likely will still be helping- she still works full time. I'm hopeful my kids, nieces, nephews on both sides are all ready to help as they can, which might be helping us who are helping him. 

     I had some rocky times with my kids this past weekend. Holidays are still hard. I had a silly row, quarrel, with my daughter Saturday morning. Adult children can be exhausting, especially when they pick and choose, as it feels to me, when they're adults and when they're children, as their issues are put on the parents plate. Maybe they're not intending to do that and I'm just unnecessarily taking on the burden. I just often feel my children don't really empathize with what I have to deal with, including feeling like a verbal punching bag or depository when they have bad days. I'm always here for them, but don't have, nor would expect, reciprocal treatment. It gets overwhelming, not having anyone to share this adult parenting stuff. More to unpackage in therapy, I guess, for all of us. 

     Thanks for letting me vent through the blog. Life is not always sun and green pastures. My relationship with my own family is far from perfect, but we keep trying despite our human faults.