Sam Squared

      I pay the household bills and my credit card at the end of the month/ first few days of the new month. October was expensive, but in a known or intended way, (after adopting the kitten was decided.) I had several one off expenses budgeted for and some flexible spends also in the budget. Here's some of those: 2nd half property taxes Teacher license fee Fingerprint fee for said teaching license  Oil and air filter change Six month car insurance premium  Meals out to celebrate my daughters' marathon achievements  Kitten vet bill, extra tests ...then  spaying. ( Shared expense with son) Donation to an old classmates fundraiser for a health crisis Gift cards for my friend for quick meals to and from her many out of town medical appointments for breast cancer treatment  Clothes dryer heating element went out so had a repair bill...but better than cost to replace the dryer.  Halloween treats for the neighborhood ( and proud that no one dug into the stash early) Lots of Physical

      November used to be a good month with my sister, my mom's, and my birthday. Plus, Thanksgiving is fourth Thursday. There were lunches and shopping trips and hanging out at my parents house. With my mom's death the day after her birthday in 2010, then my sister's unexpected death the day before her birthday in 2013, the month has felt cold, bleak, devoid of color for over a decade. In my pretending state, trying to push myself to find the good again and maybe some joy, I'm pushing myself to reclaim November.       I'm still breathing and have a birthday ahead of me plus the Thanksgiving weekend will be filled with my kids, their pets staying with me, and seeing extended family and friends. One of my friends since young childhood, also sadly a widow at too young an age, does a daily Thankfulness post in November. I'm not to that stage yet, but I'll read her reflections with hope. My list to reclaiming the month is shorter, but with promise that these too

      A few posts ago I mentioned that a savings strategy was eating unconventional meals- meals just thrown together, though nutritionally balanced, with whatever we had on hand. Here's a few recent meals to end the month if October.  Bung It Chili: Canned tomato and assorted beans from freezer, miscellaneous vegetables to use up with lots of spices, just thrown in crockpot and forgot until people were hungry. Picture is horrible but couldn't be bothered to retake. The clump in middle is still frozen black beans.  Seasoned rice with ; mashed acorn squash, sweet potato wedges, and steamed carrots.  Black bean, pepper, onion, and diced potatoes in the last two tortillas , folded burrito style and grilled. I had a can of Pace cheese sauce lingering in the pantry, heated and poured over.  Thai chili tuna on leftover brat ( hotdog) buns topped with sliced Colby  cheese  with cottage cheese and fruit. Salad plate-that's why it's heaping.  Haloumi flatbread pizza ( crust rec

           My son will have a hard time getting a loan for a mortgage because of how his earning cycle has been unless he has a very large down payment. He's had a feast or famine kind of career, so when "feast",  he tries to save and squirrel away as much as possible. Now, I'd be happy him staying as long as he needs though of course understand this is a temporary arrangement. He wants his own place, but also not the lack of any equity if he rented. There's no specific timeline. Because prices change and different areas of the metro have different housing costs, what he needs to set aside could vary dramatically. Until he's committed, he'll just keep building reserves.       As we share some expenses here, and I have my own money goals, we're in a few self directed money challenges together. He probably wouldn't call them challenges but it's how my brain works. I put targets out there, say, staying below $500 for groceries, and hone  in on way

           Fall has always been my favorite season, with October being my favorite month. I was so pleased my husband felt the same and we chose this month for our wedding. Years later, my second child arrived a few weeks early, getting in on the month under the wire at 9:57, October 31. That solidified the ordinary magic of October for me.       When I started my knee replacement experience, the surgery team and Physical Therapists wanted to know my goals. "October" I said. "I don't want to miss October." The Manipulation Under Anesthesia (MUA) at six weeks almost derailed my goal, but I worked and pushed myself hard. As the month winds down, I reflected a bit about those things that I have been able to get in on that feel special to me, enjoyed in the fall/ autumn season. Fresh local apples . While no trip to pick apples this year, as I wasn't the steadiest, I still got in on the tastes and smells of local varieties. I've used in baking, side dishes, a

      I've lost track, but suppose could look, at how many posts I've written in the last year but never published. These were mind dumps, getting thoughts out that I didn't want to burden family or friends with, and certainly not readers. Those I've published have been a bit for accountability (Dreams or Just Plans) or to share glimpses of joy (Little Miss) so I feel connected beyond my own closed off circle. I started pondering in general, why am I still blogging, even if minimal. I guess the answer is I want to eventually get back to a place where I have a rhythm, a routine, and a regular way to share community space with others that might have an interest in the same things that interest me.       I don't want my existence to be seen as grieving helpless widow. I want to put on a bit of armor and get back into things I enjoyed in the past. I want to find my voice again, the one where I challenged myself then wrote about them- budget challenges, creative cooking